I am so stupid. I hate myself. I have too many emotions. (Warning: Long and convoluted)?

I really am. My life is a joke. The fact that I used to consider myself to be an intelligent individual is just pathetic.



Here is some background.

I am a 15 year old Indian girl in sophomore year. My older Brother is at UC Berkeley. I am very stupid. I am taking one honors and one AP class, but my grades are horrible. I try, but I don't try hard enough. I feel like I don't have enough discipline, I do not manage my time well and I am not very intelligent or (as you can probably tell) articulate.

I have a B in my Chemistry class. I told my mom today and she started yelling at me. I always compare myself to others in my grade and I feel useless. I want to give up. They are doing so well and I'm not.

I feel stupid. I was working with my friend who's been on varsity tennis with me since last year (She's not very good, she's an alternate. Just saying. Because tennis is the ONLY thing I'm good at. I have a national ranking.), is the asb president, has a 4.2 (which for her is straight A's) and is pretty and has a lot of friends. (She doesn't even do anything to get ready. She is just naturally gorgeous.



I on the other hand and not pretty. I'm going through a rough, low-confidence patch in my life. I get distracted easily, like right now I'm on yahoo answers. I lack discipline. I give in to my emotions. I can hours whining and crying over the most useless things. Also if I am tired I give up and go to bed. My friends don't give up. The girl I'm friends with who's perfect never gives up. And she's do dang smart as well, if you talk to her.



I feel like giving up. My psat score is terrible, I don't try hard enough and act like I do. I make it seem like I'm working so hard but in reality compared to others I'm not. I spend too much time worrying about how I look, or about having a social life that I waste time. I feel useless.



I want to do well. I want to succeed. But I keep getting side tracked. My parents are angry at me. They love me but they tell me to try harder! and I want too! Except do I really? I don't know



I am confused. I am sad. I hate myself. I can't believe I just wasted 15 minutes typing this. I have sooo much homework. What am I doing? What am I doing with my life I HAVE A 3.6 GOD DAMMIT I SHOULD BE TRYING AS HARD AS SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE IN MY GRADE



but... It's too late. I'm not intelligent. I will never make it. I will never be happy. My life is a hamster wheel and I'm an obese hamster constantly complaining about how my life is too hard, when it's not. Anyone could step in my shoes and get better grades than me. I have to stop making excuses.



I have to do my work now.



But I don't want too. I am too frustrated and confused and listless. Maybe I have ADD. Great. Now to top it all off, not only am I a dark, fat unattractive baboon, I also am I ******* psychopath.



Help?I am so stupid. I hate myself. I have too many emotions. (Warning: Long and convoluted)?
You sound more intelligent and articulate than 99% of those who post questions here. Most people can identify their own problems, although they lack the ability to follow-through with changing themselves. Behavior comes down to habit, change your habits to change yourself. Thinking positively about one’s self and doing what needs to be done (particularly when it is hard to do) can go a long way. It has been proven that even fake laughter triggers a biochemical reaction in the brain that positively alters one’s perspective. Establishing a habit to replace a habit that is the result of many years of practice is very difficult, particularly if it involves behavior that has become a character trait. If you start slow and gradually increase you will have a better chance of making it a habit. Of course, it will take 3 weeks or more to establish a replacement habit, and longer if it involves a firmly entrenched trait. During that time period, you have to commit yourself to doing something you don't really want to do.

The way to get good grades is to score well on tests, the way to score well on tests is to know the material. Knowing the material involves committing much of the information to memory. I believe the best way to learn something is to read it, write it, and say it; the three different actions help by utilizing different areas of the brain, and doing each action in close proximity time-wise links them together and strengthens the memory. The more this is repeated, the more one is likely to remember the material.

Gagne, Briggs, and Wager (1992) identified three empirically supported principles of learning design that improve learning and make retention more certain: 1) Contiguity: simultaneous stimulus and response; 2) Repetition; and, 3) Reinforcement: satisfaction or reward follows the act (reward yourself for studying, video games, etc.). And, learn how to write. Practice writing. Seek out good examples of the types of essays you will need to do [essay exam, multi-page essay (synthesis, analysis, supported conclusion, etc.)], learn from them, model your writing after them.



But keep in mind the need to not over-do it:

“Experiments have shown that repetitions beyond the satiation point lead to variation, inattentiveness, fatigue, and finally to a complete disorganization; in other words to an ‘unlearning’ in the sense of inability to carry out an activity previously mastered.”

Kurt Lewin, 1951



Do not underestimate the need to eat well (avoid junk food, caffeine, and sodas; eat whole grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, etc.); it is best not to get less than 8 hours of sleep each night (avoid the habit of staying up late, even on weekends); exercise regularly; avoid excessive socializing, don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t use drugs (over the counter or otherwise).



Depression self-help for teens: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depressi…



Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.

John W. Gardner



A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)



The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

John Milton, Paradise Lost, Chapter 1 (1667)



If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire - then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.

Robert Fulghum



If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. …

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here. …

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann (1872-1945), Desiderata (c. 1920s)