Would you go back to her?

My girlfriend and I have been together or 2 years now - the whole time we've been together she has been married still but has been separated from her ex. We've had our ups and downs. In December last year I proposed to her by writing a book of poetry for her, with the last line in the last poem, asking her to be my wife, she said yes and I was thrilled.





In March this year, where she was living with her 20 year old daughter, in an apartment, her rental agreement expired and as such she had to move out - she was offered the choice of living with me at my house (I am renting a house), moving in with her older brother or living with her ex who had just bought a house with inheritance money. She chose to live with her ex, saying that it would be cheaper and easier as when she sought a formal divorce, in her view, it would help her case to get a 50-50 split of assets - I should mention, about 30% of the money used to buy the house was my girlfriends who her ex had taken from a joint account.





Anyway, I was not happy at all about this as the ex is very controlling and still thought they were together. Against my better judgement, I agreed to her moving in on two conditions, 1) she would tell him not to interfere with us as a couple, 2) she would put the wheels in motion for a divorce... not unreasonable I thought. For about 2 weeks this worked, then the ex began to steadily gain more and more control over her, making demands and she gave in, first not seeing me as much (we used to see each other about 5 nights a week, this dropped to 2 or so), then not able to call or txt when she was at home and he was around, then not seeing her at all as it annoyed the ex... I was not a happy camper! At the end of April, finally, she and I went to see a solicitor about a divorce - I took time off work to be there for her. That night, she said that she wanted to be with me and stand up to him - it didn't last and that night when having dinner, he called and made threats to her and I - we both went to our respective homes but I reported this to the police, partially to cause trouble for him and also because he had no right to threaten me. The next day I took my engagement ring off and told her clearly that I would not see her or put the ring back on until she left him once and for all - what it was doing to our relationship was so destructive.





She then said she understood and agreed but had to stay in the house a bit longer as her daughter was living there and it was her 21st birthday at the end of May and she was worried that the ex would stop her being involved with that if she left now. Again, against my better judgement, I said fine - I did not see her at all during the month of May but we still txt'ed.





The end of May came and went and I said, well, come on then, and she then said, oh it's complex, I need to do this and that, give me a week. So I did. Then that came and went and she did come to me, saying this is it, I'm with you, stayed the night, then promptly went home back to him and that home the next day. I was hurt and crushed and felt so betrayed. She said she was sorry and wasn't sure why she went back - I then pretty much was ready to, with great pain, walk away but she begged me to give her another two weeks and then, she promised, she would find the strength to leave... so, again, I out of love for her, gave her that time. She came back to me again, this time again staying the night... I left for work that morning and when I came home she had left, again.... I was not happy, was again crushed and betrayed and this time was ready to walk away.





I said, enough is enough, you are where you want to be clearly, and I've had enough of being jerked around. She then said she was going to Melbourne to be with her Mother and other brother for a week and would, she promised, come to me when she came back... being the idiot that I am, I gave her that time.





Well, she went to Melbourne, sending me lovey messages and saying how much she loved me and when she came back, after a few days stuffing around, did come to me, this time "for good" - guess what happened? She stayed the night, then went back to him, saying he's dying of cancer and she had to do the moral thing and stay there for a year, which is how long he has left. Not this time I said, and this is where I'm at now, I've walked away, tired, weary, exhausted, betrayed - she is begging me to forgive her, txting, even came to my office today in tears.





I am torn, I know I must sound like a complete fool for thinking she is genuine but seeing her so sad today in tears, saying how she stuffed up and promised not to leave this time makes me feel a bit unsure.





I should add, we're both grown adults, she's 42, I'm 29 (yeah yeah, older woman, get over it) and she assures me that she isn't in love with the ex - for me that doesn't matter as she still can't seem to leave him.





What |||I would like to preface my response by saying I am so sorry you are going through this I know this must be heartbreaking.


If she is 42 and is just now going through this divorce, I would assume the 2 of them were married somewhere within a 15-20 year span, maybe longer and even though they are going through a divorce, she does love and care for him. You can't possibly expect her not to still love a man that is the father of her children and that she was with for so long. In a perfect world she could just get over him and y'all would live happily ever after, but that's just not plausible. She obviously isn't able to let go, especially now if he has cancer, she will be by his side. If you do give her a second chance it will just be a vicious circle, she wants to be with you but she feels like she can't, especially if he uses her kids as leverage. A mother will always choose her children over anything. You will just get hurt over and over again. I wish I could assure you that I see a glimmer of hope in this story, but I don't. I'm so sorry.|||Give her one more week, and if she doesn't do it, ask her why. And then if you truly believe she isn't with you, then you have to do what your heart tells you.|||:( That's So Sad... There's Only So much One Person Can Put Up With For love! If that's where she'd rather be then I wouldn't... And wow making threats? He couldn't just man up and talk like a grown up?! I delt with the same thing myself almost three years ago... But he wasn't married and she was horrible to him... She'd only call him when she wanted money or just to get mad at him take her anger out on him... And he kept going back... So I just said one day "if that's where you're heart lies and that's how you want to be treated then it's your loss" it hurt like he'll to do that but I had to it's too hard to live like that but it's going to be three years for us next year and she is no longer bothering us and were happy so I do Belive in the saying "If you really love something let it go And if it comes back then it's yers forever" I just wish it worked all the time...|||No. Don't do it. Honestly, she is not going to leave him for you, and she's proven that time and time again. You need to explain to her you are not willing to deal with being played around with, and I don't even know you, but I can't help but feel mad at her for you. Just let her go. You'll find someone better, who isn't married, and who will love you completely and be there for you.


And I somehow get the feeling you want her to be with you because you feel pity out of her and her bad relationship and want to give her something better because you care. But if she truly loved you, she'd leave him and have the guts to.|||NO you have given her enough time. she had all that time with him when they were married this is sopposed to be your time. leave her and make her chase you like she did today. make her feel the hurt that you feel, go out with other girls and enjoy the rest of your life without her. sorry dude but se sounds likea total "you know what". just move on and forget about her. oh yeah and go whooped her ex's butt. like foreal cant see you or call you when he's around, cuz hes jelouse well he had his chance and messed it up. dont go back to her shes obv. not over her ex.